Part 3: A Perspective
Although
there may be good reasons for young adults to move out and carve out an entire
life on their own, separated from previous family relations, there are many
good reasons for the young adult to situate themselves in community with their
family of multiple generations.
An Ideal Context for
Discipleship
A
home with three or more generations provides an ideal context for discipleship. I have two questions for you. One: How many times have you heard a church or youth pastor
explain that the parents are the ones
responsible for discipling their children? After all, the youth pastor spends 1
to 3 hours with the children per week, and even when that happens, it’s alongside
twenty other kids; and that is just a medium sized church! Two: How many
middle-aged parents are able to devote the time and effort necessary for
discipling their children? Consider the average day for a working man or woman.
Consider the average day for a teenager in high school. Should discipleship
occur before or after sports practice, cooking dinner, doing homework, and getting ready for
bed? Sure, you can argue all you want that the
way in which you do these things can be discipleship. You would be
absolutely right, and incredibly optimistic. Some families manage, but they are
few. The busyness of the world greatly squelches the opportunities families have
for meaningful, intentional, time. Quality rather than quantity, sure, but
quality nothingness is impossible.
But!
What if, hypothetically speaking, there
lived in the home a retired family member. Somebody who was wise with age, who
had lived their faith out in varying contexts before. What if they didn’t have a
9 to 5 job? What if they were able to pick up the kids from school, talk about
their day, and point the children to the gospel of Christ?
Are
the parents responsible for discipling the children as most youth pastors
claim? Or is it the family, the home, the individuals who love God and interact
with the children? Many people recognize that the family is responsible for
training up children. This is evident in passages like Deuteronomy 6, Proverbs 1, and I & II Timothy; it is evident in books and tools old and new that
seek to convince and equip family-heads to disciple their families. Martin Luther
wrote his catechism “As it should be clearly and simply explained to every
household by the head of the family." But the head of the
family is not necessarily the father
of the youngest children. Both Chris Wright and Craig Blomberg note how the
oldest patriarch in the household was responsible for the faith [and sanctification]
of his family.
Inhabiting
a home of multiple generations gives perspective to the individuals living
there; it provides wisdom to trickle down and shape the young ones; it allows
the middle generation to focus on securing finances and food; it gives the
elderly a chance to be involved in their children and grandchildren’s lives
instead of being segregated to a trailer park and bingo; it gives the parents
encouraging support and a ready babysitter so they can have a date night. In other
words, it opens up opportunity for believing individuals to exercise their
faith in the roles that God in his wisdom has created for them. Age is not a mistake. Let us utilize it.
Yet, Discipleship supersedes
Genetics
Now
I’ve become the one who is optimistic, and have thus far neglected to deal with
the exceptions. It is true, there will be circumstances that disallow families
to live multi-generationally.
Unbelievers
This
one is the obvious example, but it may not be as simple as it seems. It is
true: Jesus reconstitutes the meaning of family. But he also tells a wife to remain with her unbelieving husband in hopes of his being saved. When it comes
to other generations, the believing parents may be disowned by the elderly. It
has happened many times before, and still frequently happens today. But if they
are not disowned, shall they submit their children to the influence of the unbelieving
grandparents? I doubt there is a static answer. Wisdom should be used in
deciding.
Goals, Dreams, and
Aspirations
On
the other hand, what if my intentions are to live overseas and translate the
Bible for an unreached people group? Or what if I am invited to work with NASA
several states away? Or what if my deepest desire has been to enjoy the Miami
beaches? I recognize that there are some things that will necessarily take the
family away from other generations. I recognize that even in the ‘silly’
example of Miami, God has given people desires and tastes which he uses to put
them in situations for the furtherance of the gospel and the enjoyment of his
glory. So again, rather unsatisfyingly, I answer: I doubt there is a static
answer. Wisdom should be used in deciding. Ask yourself, will this change
enable me and others to more fully enjoy the glory of God? Will this result in
the greater establishment of the kingdom of God? And maybe you should ask also,
could my whole family do this with
me? Elderly are often greatly respected in other cultures: your 70 year old
father may expedite the reality of you reaching a people group.
Return: A Perspective
I
return to the way we opened today’s installment: perspective. What I’m calling
for is a reorienting of your perspective. Yesterday we questioned cultural
norms; today I ask you to consider your life and the lives of your children in
light of God’s eternal work in the world. You are not the end-all-be-all.
Neither are your children. How does the way that you live life exemplify the inbreaking
of God into the world? Might you look strange for having four generations in
one household? Maybe, but not much longer if the trend holds true. But that’s
not the point: not to be different for difference-sake, nor to be same for
so-called palatability. The point is to inhabit God's world faithfully in light of the things he has and continues to give you.
See Part 4 for some application tomorrow.
----------------------
